How to Travel with Friends…and keep them.
Thailand 2016 started with a text that I sent to our girls’ group text “Anyone feeling impulsive?” and a link to plane fare for Bangkok. It ended with our group of five being described as “completely dysfunctional” a “complete mess.”
It wasn’t a bad trip, but our group dynamics simply didn’t work. I’ve thought and talked a lot about why that was the case. Some of the reasons were group specific but there were also general lessons about traveling with others to be gleaned.
They say you learn more from failure so here are some tips:
- No Pressure. Don’t force or pressure anyone in the group to do anything they don’t want to do particularly on a long trip where there is plenty of time for group and solo time. There’s a good endorsement of this approach here from a member of a group of women that have taken multiple trips together.
- Limit group size. I’d say the bigger the trip, the smaller the group should be. Large destination bachelorette parties often work because they’re short and simple. On longer travel adventures, you are with the same people almost constantly for a week or more. AND you’re going to encounter unexpected problems that you will have to solve together. The more people you throw into the mix the more personalities you will have to accommodate.
- Speak your mind. Be more afraid of having a bad trip than of what people think about you. Express what you want to do and tell your friends when something bothers you. If you don’t do this, you’re likely to end up feeling resentful
- Accept that there will be conflict. On our trip, those who weren’t prepared for disagreement seemed to be more impacted and hurt by it. I had a few direct verbal spats on the trip. But these weren’t what threatened friendships or brought down the mood of the trip. The direct disagreements on the trip ended quickly and amicably after each person involved stated their position and let a few minutes pass. The conflict that undermined parts of the trip was the unspoken tension and disagreement, the talking behind other people’s backs instead of to them.
- Check-in weekly on multi-week trips. Discuss what went well the previous week and where you can do better. I got this advice after our Thailand trip and it seems like a great way to prevent conflicts from snowballing.
- Have a beer, enjoy the moment!!! On big adventures, it’s easy to get caught up planning what’s next even when you are on the trip. What excursion are we doing tomorrow? What are we eating for dinner? What time is the flight tomorrow? Do your best to break this cycle and enjoy your friends’ company where you are at in the moment. I find a beer (or your drink of choice) helps with this.
In the end, tips can help improve a trip, but they can’t change people or compatibility. In many cases, you’ll be spending more time with your friends in a single day than you do during most weeks! In this way traveling is an accelerated way to get to know someone better. This can change relationships, sometimes for the better…and sometimes not.
