Three F**king Mantras to Live By
I curse. That’s “cussing” for you southern folk. Use “bad words” for you readers under 6 years old. Just kidding, if you’re under 18, you’re not allowed on this site. Seriously, adios. [picture waving hand emoji here]
My favorite four-letter word is “fuck.” There are just some statements or phrases where nothing conveys the point as well as when you add the word fuck in. It’s a noun, a verb, and if you add “-ing” and adjective and an adverb! Fucking amazing! Using it like salt, as light seasoning, is just good writing.
And I’m not the only one who likes the word. Tim Ferriss has on more than one occasion remarked about the power of the word on his podcast. New York Magazine published an ode to the word. There are multiple books dedicated to the word including The F-Word, a whole book about the word’s history and uses, and F**K: An Irreverant History of the F-Word. You could buy these on your Kindle, but it’d be crazy to pass up the opportunity for a reaction-getting, conversation-starting coffee table book. #savethebooks
With my passion for the word, it should come as no surprise that some of my favorite mantras use the word. Here they are with their sources.*
(1) F*&# Busy
“Busyness” has become a ubiquitous excuse for just about everything. “I’m too busy to…hang out with my friends, to eat right, to exercise, to text that boy/girl I met or dated back.”
At the end of last year, I found myself using being busy as an excuse not to take care of myself. I went to Jack-in-the-Box for breakfast three times this week because I’m too busy to make or stop for a healthy breakfast. The reality is that I wasn’t too busy to eat a solid breakfast everyday. I was simply prioritizing other things, like working an extra hour in a day, over taking care of myself.
The reality is that we make time for what is important to us. Or looked at differently, what we make time for reveals what is important to us. What have you made time for this week? What were you too busy for?
Inspiration: This inspiring no excuses video from REI, Brendan Leonard, and Duct Tape Then Beer formally titled To(day) Dream.
There’s also a corresponding post that elaborates on the idea on Leonard’s Semi-Rad.com blog (link).
(2) Fuck Yes or No
A phrase that often precedes “I’m too busy” is “I’d love to but…” Sometimes, it’s a lie, something we say to other people instead of telling them that we just don’t want to do something. Other times, it’s true. It’s easy to become so booked with work and social obligations that we have to say “no” when an offer to take on a new exciting work opportunity or go camping at that park we’ve been dying to go to.
That’s a problem. But it’s a problem that has a simple solution that is hard to implement: keep more time on your calendar open and unscheduled. Leaving open time means you are more likely to be able to say “I’d love to…and I’m IN!” when interesting opportunities arise. It also means you have to say “no” to more in order to more to keep your schedule more open.
Saying no and knowing what to say no to does not come easily to me. I have a tendency to say yes to things out of guilt or want to say yes to more activities than there is time in a day, week, moth, etc. Derek Sivers’ No ‘yes.’ Either ‘HELL YEAH!’ or ‘no.’ provides an smart, easy rule of thumb for making decisions about what to say no to. As the If it’s not a “HELL YEAH!” it’s a no. Mark Manson’s Fuck Yes or No applies the principle to relationship decision-making and uses that four-letter word I am so fond of to do so.
“Fuck yes…or No” was my guiding quote for 2016, but I think I’m doing a lot better at abiding by it in 2017. Guess it took a year to fully sink in.
Inspiration:
The Derek Sivers and Mark Manson articles discussed above. At only 111 words, there is no reason not to at least read the Sivers’ article.
(3) Fuck You, Pay Me
I’m an attorney. I write contracts to help people ensure that they get paid for the work they do. Yet, one of the hardest parts of running my own law firm is asking for payment. I hate telling people my hourly rate and for years, literally years, would routinely cut my rate by over 50% or provide hours of free work or advising to a “prospective client” who had no committed to working with me or would continue working for a client when their payment from their last invoice was long overdue.
No mas. (That’s Spanglish for “no more”)
Exactly how my approach changed is a longer and likely incomplete story (still a work in progress) but suffice it to say, I eventually realized that I was putting other people’s needs above my own without any good reason. If I completed work two months late, I wouldn’t have any clients so why would I accept payment that is two months late?
I love the mantra “fuck you, pay me” as a reminder to be firm about getting paid for work and getting paid what I’m worth. Just thinking it feels bad-ass and infuses me with confidence. Try it. Stand-up. Put your hands on your hips. Say “Fuck you, pay me!” Bad-ass, right? Hopefully you didn’t do that in a bank because I expressly disclaim any responsibility for criminal bank robbery charges as a result of this exercise.
Inspiration:
Is there anything more bad-ass than a mafia movie? Nope! So it’s no surprise that “Fuck you, pay me” has its origins in the movie Goodfellas.
And more recently, it was the title and theme of a talk by Mike Monteiro at Creative Mornings where he emphasizes the need to get paid for your work and provides some great checkpoints for ensuring that your contract does that. It’s aimed at creative professionals but is really a good watch for all freelancers and small business owners.
Know of other fucking mantras to live by? Leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail at larissab37@gmail.com, I’d love to hear them.
*Unsolicited Advice: Cite your sources people. It’s the respectful thing to do and sound legal advice if you want to avoid violating copyright law.
